Saturday, December 11, 2010
Stay Inside and Avoid the Horsemen of the Snowpocalypse
Post and photos by the Hawthorne Hawkman
"I watched as the Hawkman opened the first of the seven storm doors. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, 'Brrrr!' I looked and there before me was a white Chevrolet Suburban! Its rider held a plow, and was given a shovel. And he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest."
Look, people, it really is that bad out there. Don't drive, except to move your car to the correct side of the street for our snow emergency so that you don't get towed. I woke up this morning and the snow at my front door was already up to my knees. Instead of being so foolish as to think my car was going anywhere, I walked over to the Holiday gas station a few blocks away to pick up the day's Strib.
On my way back, I saw a car stuck in the snow at 26th and 4th, went to get my shovel, and helped shovel and push them out. Then, as I was walking back to my place, I saw another vehicle stuck at 26th and Washington, across the freeway. And THEN, once those folks got a Hawkman push, there was a THIRD car stuck at the alley entrance on 26th between 3rd and 4th. Seriously folks, who even TRIES to drive in an unplowed alley in this weather?
An hour and a half later, my neighborly venture was complete, and my eyebrows were gathering icicles. If you must go outside today, spend that time walking around and looking for people who need help getting out of a snowbank. Otherwise, weather like this is perfect for at least one thing: spending time with your loved ones, watching The Empire Strikes Back.